“I wouldn’t be in trouble at school if my mom had just written me an excuse,” complained a teenager I was counseling recently. This sentiment of blaming others is not uncommon. It seems that nowadays, nobody wants to admit they were wrong or take responsibility for their actions.
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We Live in a Culture of Blame
As parents, we expect our children to take responsibility for their actions. Yet, blaming others has become a prevalent behavior not only among kids but also among adults. Our children witness blame being placed on teachers for poor academic performance and on siblings for misbehavior. Blaming others is modeled daily, making it easy for our children to follow suit.
Giving Responsibility to Your Child Is Challenging
Transitioning from being responsible for every aspect of your child’s life to allowing them to make mistakes can be intimidating. It is in our nature to avoid admitting our mistakes or poor choices. We fear judgment and negative consequences. Similarly, our children dislike discomfort as much as adults do. However, discomfort is essential for personal growth and learning from mistakes.
Why Does Everyone Always Blame the Parents for the Child’s Behavior?
There is an increasing trend of blaming parents for their child’s behavior in today’s society. Whenever a child behaves irresponsibly or in a dangerous manner, people often ask, “Where were the parents?” Parents, especially those with children struggling with behavioral issues, tend to internalize this blame and blame themselves. This, unfortunately, perpetuates a pattern of blaming others and refusing to take responsibility.
Keep the Focus on Your Child’s Behavior
Instead of blaming yourself, it is crucial to keep the focus on your child’s behavior. When someone tries to shift the blame, respond by saying, “Let’s stay focused on the issue and the behavior we need to address right now.”
Learn to Balance Parental Responsibility With Child Accountability
Balancing parental responsibility with child accountability is key. Ask yourself, “Who is ultimately responsible for my child’s choices in this situation?” If you believe you need to model certain behaviors for your child, accept that responsibility. At the same time, allow your child to accept responsibility for their actions as they prepare for adulthood. The ultimate goal is to raise responsible individuals who can navigate the adult world.
Keep the Big Picture in Mind
Your child is here to make their own life journey, learn, and grow. Blaming yourself for their behavior hinders their growth and ability to make their own decisions. Instead, encourage them to figure out what feels right and true to them. This will help them become the person they want to be when they grow up.
Create a Culture of Accountability in Your Home
Blaming ourselves as parents leads to guilt and shame, which renders us ineffective in responding to our child. It’s important to avoid making excuses for our child’s behavior and instead hold them accountable. Excuses only encourage blame-shifting. If you feel guilty or ashamed for your past actions as a parent, take responsibility and move forward. By doing so, you model a culture of accountability for your child.
Remember, if your child always blames others, they will never feel the need to change. It is up to us as parents to guide them towards taking responsibility for their own behavior.
Related Content: How to Create a Culture of Accountability in Your Home | Teach Your Child Responsibility — 7 Tips to Get Started
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