Table of Contents
Understanding the Reluctance: Why Some Men Hesitate to Go Down on Women
In this installment of Sex IDK, our resident expert, Emma McGowan, a certified sex educator and writer, delves into the reasons behind why some men refuse to perform oral sex on women. While it’s important to respect everyone’s boundaries and understand that no one should ever feel obligated to engage in any sexual activity, the hesitation some men have goes beyond personal preference.
Societal Perceptions and Cultural Norms
Research conducted in the UK revealed interesting insights into these attitudes. A study published in the Journal of Sex Research in 2016 surveyed 71 male and female high school students from three different regions in the UK. The findings demonstrated that going down on a woman was viewed as “distasteful” and a “bigger deal” compared to performing the same act on a man. Similarly, the journal published another study in 2017, involving 806 participants, which highlighted that women were twice as likely to perform oral sex on their male partners than to receive it themselves.
Addressing Gendered Stereotypes
Before diving deeper into the topic, it’s important to note that not all men have penises, and not all people with penises are men. Likewise, not all women have vaginas, and not all people with vaginas are women. It is crucial to be inclusive and consider individual identities and experiences when discussing these matters.
Overcoming Vulva and Vagina-Shaming
Centuries of stigma and shaming have led some individuals to perceive vaginas and vulvas as “gross,” “smelly,” or “ugly.” Absorbing these societal messages can make individuals hesitant to engage in oral sex with individuals who have vulvas. Interestingly, the majority of people engaging in sexual activities with individuals who have vulvas are men, which contributes to some men’s reluctance.
Challenging Misconceptions about Genital Odor
It’s essential to understand that vulvas and vaginas are not inherently “smellier,” “grosser,” or “uglier” than penises and testicles. All genitals have distinct odors, which are perfectly natural and not unpleasant as long as you maintain good hygiene. If there is an abnormally strong or unpleasant odor, it is advisable to consult a healthcare professional.
Embracing the Quirkiness of Genitals
Let’s face it—genitals can be quite amusing. From the way penises inflate and deflate, to the puffy vulvas, protruding clitorises, and occasional release of fluids, the idiosyncrasies of our reproductive organs are an evolutionary joke. They somehow manage to both perplex and arouse us. So, while we may not fully comprehend the mystery behind their appearance, it’s undeniable that they play an important role in our sexual experiences.
Concerns about Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)
For some individuals, the fear of contracting STIs through oral sex plays a role in their hesitation. Unlike other forms of sexual activity, there are limited barrier methods available for oral sex involving the vulva. Although dental dams exist, they may not be a viable option for many people. It is worth noting that if someone prefers receiving unprotected oral sex but refuses to reciprocate, their reasoning is questionable. However, if the decision is based on a preference for condom-only oral sex or abstaining altogether, it is a personal choice that should be respected.
Preferences and Open Communication
It is important to acknowledge that some people simply do not enjoy receiving oral sex themselves, and consequently, they may not feel inclined to perform it on others. Contrary to popular belief, some cisgender men do not enjoy receiving blowjobs. As long as their partners are comfortable with this arrangement, it is perfectly acceptable. However, if a partner, particularly a woman who desires oral sex, feels dissatisfied, it’s crucial to have open and honest conversations about expectations and sexual needs.
Reflecting on Personal Preferences
Lastly, it’s worth exploring personal reasons for the dislike of performing oral sex. Given the historical misogyny surrounding this sexual act, it is beneficial for anyone who claims to “just not like it” to scrutinize their motivations. For individuals with vaginas who share this sentiment, it may be helpful to reflect on the societal messaging they have received about their own bodies. Understanding past experiences and expectations can provide valuable insight.
Alternative Pleasure Options
If, after introspection and discussion, someone still genuinely does not enjoy performing oral sex, it’s essential to respect their preference. Fortunately, there are alternative ways to achieve pleasure. For instance, utilizing air pulse sex toys like the Womanizer or the Baci can offer sensations similar to receiving oral sex. Experimenting with these toys alone or with a partner can enhance sexual experiences and ensure everyone’s desires are met.
Remember, open communication, understanding, and mutual respect are key to maintaining healthy and satisfying sexual relationships. If you have further questions or need guidance, feel free to reach out to the experts at 5 WS.
