We all know that every relationship is unique, and something as simple as a “goodnight text” can hold different meanings for different people. If you’re unsure whether sending a goodnight text is appropriate in your relationship, there are a few factors to consider. Is she responsive to your texts? Does she feel comfortable receiving these messages? And are there any unrequited feelings between you two? If you’re finding it difficult to define the boundaries of your non-romantic relationship or if you’re unsure about her comfort level, it might be a good idea to have an in-person conversation or seek guidance from a licensed therapist.
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Is It Okay to Send a Goodnight Text in Your Relationship?
The nature of your relationship can provide some insight into whether sending a goodnight text is appropriate. Let’s take a look at a few scenarios:
Friendships
In many friendships, especially long-distance ones, a goodnight text can be a thoughtful gesture that lets your friend know you’re thinking of them. Whether you’re old friends, new friends, or best friends, a simple message like “Rest up, buddy” or a heartfelt one like “I’m always here for you, even when you’re across the continent. Sleep tight, my friend!” will likely be well-received.
Moreover, goodnight texts can serve as a way to sign off for the night. For instance, if you’re engaged in a lengthy text conversation with a friend but need to get some rest, you can say something like “I’d better get some sleep, but let’s pick up where we left off tomorrow!” This way, your friend will know that you’re going to sleep and won’t be offended if you suddenly stop responding.
Co-Workers
When it comes to co-workers, it’s generally not advisable to send casual goodnight texts. If you need to communicate with a co-worker in the evening, it’s best to end your message or email with something professional like “Apologies for the late communication, enjoy the rest of your evening.”
If you have romantic feelings for a co-worker, it’s important to understand your workplace’s relationship policies and carefully consider the potential risks involved.
Romantic Interest
Sending a goodnight text to your crush can let her know that you’re thinking of her. If you’ve been texting with her in the evening, you could say something like “I wish I could stay up talking with you all night, but sadly I have to get some sleep.” This goodnight text clearly conveys your feelings and interest in spending more time talking.
Ex-Partners
Sending goodnight texts to your ex can be appropriate if you have a healthy friendship or if there’s a possibility of getting back together. However, in most cases, it’s not recommended. Here are some instances where you probably shouldn’t text your ex goodnight:
- If you had a difficult breakup
- If there was any abuse in the relationship
- If the breakup was recent
- If she’s in a happy relationship now, or if you’re acting out of jealousy
In this case, it’s a good idea to have a conversation with your ex to establish boundaries. Ask questions like: Is it okay for me to text you goodnight every so often? Would you prefer it if I don’t text you at all?
Unrequited Love
If you find yourself loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way, it’s essential to respect their feelings. Unrequited feelings are fine as long as you don’t act upon them, but repeatedly sending unwanted texts may constitute harassment. Never send goodnight texts to someone who doesn’t want to receive them.
Someone Who’s In a Relationship
Goodnight texts can be seen as flirty since they indicate that you’re thinking about someone before going to bed. To avoid giving the wrong impression, you might want to keep your message simple and friendly, like “I’m tired and off to bed, but it was nice chatting. Have a good night!” Rather than using phrases that could be interpreted as romantic interest, such as “I can’t stop smiling when we text, sweet dreams.”
If you’re romantically interested in someone who’s already in a relationship, it’s wise to limit excessive interaction and texting to reduce emotional attachment.
Avoiding Miscommunication in Text Messages
Texting lacks many communication signals present in face-to-face conversations, such as facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and hand gestures. In person, when someone says “Whatever,” their non-verbal cues help interpret the intended meaning. However, in texts, “Whatever” can be open to several interpretations, such as “I guess,” “Alright,” “It’s okay,” “It’s not okay,” “Sarcastic rude,” “I don’t care,” “I’m mad,” “Sure,” “Yes,” or “Mhm.”
While texting is convenient, it can sometimes lead to miscommunication. Here are a few tips to reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings:
- Keep texts simple and relatively short. Long, complex messages can be difficult to understand, so consider switching to a phone call for more in-depth topics.
- Respond in a reasonable amount of time. If you can’t reply immediately, let the person know you’re busy and will respond when you can.
- Proofread your messages. Poor grammar, spelling mistakes, or auto-correct errors can lead to misunderstandings.
- Be consistent in your communication. If you’ve been sending goodnight texts every night, suddenly stopping might leave the other person wondering what happened. If you’re too busy to continue, it’s okay, but let them know.
- Follow the unwritten code of texting. Consistency in language and style is essential. Sudden changes, like using periods at the end of messages when you typically don’t, can be misinterpreted.
- Know when not to text. Difficult conversations are often better suited for phone calls, in-person meetings, or video conferences. Long messages that require detailed explanations might be better communicated through means other than text.
What If You’re Still Unsure?
If you’re unable to decide whether it’s appropriate to send her a goodnight text, consider these options:
Talk to Her and Observe Her Cues
The easiest way to understand someone’s boundaries is to ask if it’s okay to send goodnight texts. Pay attention to how she responds to your messages. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Does she reply?
- If she does, are her answers short?
- How long does it take for her to reply?
- Are her replies enthusiastic?
- Does she ask you questions about yourself?
- Does she ever text you first?
- Does she avoid making plans to meet in person?
Once you know her boundaries, respect and listen to them. If you accidentally violate someone’s boundaries, it’s important to acknowledge and apologize for your mistake.
Seek Guidance from a Therapist
If you find yourself repeatedly crossing someone’s boundaries or if you’re still unsure about texting someone you’re not romantically involved with, therapy can be beneficial. Therapy can help individuals with a poor sense of self-concept, who may struggle with decision-making, people-pleasing behaviors, and low self-esteem. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can assist in processing traumatic life experiences and building a stronger sense of self.
Online therapy platforms like Regain offer the convenience of messaging your therapist whenever you have questions. In addition to in-app messaging, you can schedule voice calls or video sessions. Research shows that internet-based CBT is effective in addressing various mental health concerns and is typically more cost-effective than in-person therapy.
Conclusion
While text messaging is a convenient way to communicate, it can also lead to misunderstandings. Understanding your relationship dynamics can provide valuable insights into whether sending goodnight texts is appropriate. If you’re struggling to understand boundaries or experiencing other mental health concerns, therapy can offer guidance. Online therapy is a convenient and affordable option that can effectively address issues like low self-esteem and psychiatric disorders.
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Takeaway
Text messaging is convenient but can lead to miscommunication. Defining the nature of your relationship can help you determine whether sending goodnight texts is appropriate. If you’re struggling with boundaries, self-esteem, or other mental health concerns, therapy can be beneficial. Online therapy offers convenience and effectiveness in addressing these issues.
