Why Guys Don’t Express “I Love You” Frequently

Understanding Different Approaches to Demonstrating Affection

In a recent seminar, a question lingered in the minds of many women: “How do you gauge a man’s love for a woman when they rarely utter those three special words?” Seeking an answer, I turned to my husband later that evening and posed the same query. After a brief moment of contemplation, he responded, “You can measure a man’s love by what he is willing to do for her.” Pure and straightforward.

This issue arises repeatedly in relationship coaching sessions. The truth is, men and women have contrasting ways of expressing their love. This disparity not only leads to conflict but also causes immense emotional pain.

Women Crave Verbal Communication

As women, we find solace and pleasure in conversing and sharing our feelings. It brings us a sense of relaxation. However, for men, it does quite the opposite—it creates tension and confusion. That’s not to say men don’t strive to make us happy or communicate effectively, but oftentimes, they simply don’t know how. If a man does find a way to communicate in a manner that soothes his partner, it’s likely because she has explicitly shown him how. In most cases, however, men remain silent, leaving women feeling hurt.

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But why does it hurt so much when a man fails to respond with attention, kind words, warm smiles, or those small gestures that make us feel cherished?

As women, we possess a natural awareness of our surroundings. We notice the atmosphere in a room, the vibes of the people around us, and we effortlessly smooth out the highs and lows of energy. We smile, we touch, we play, and we ensure everyone feels content. It’s a seamless flow that comes naturally to us, and when a man doesn’t respond in the same way, it creates a void.

How Can We Address This Issue? Here are Several Strategies to Elicit Love from Your Man:

1. Embrace Him for Who He Is

Don’t expect your partner to become someone he’s not. You can choose to be resentful and spend your life miserable, or you can accept him for his authentic self. The choice is yours.

2. Avoid Discussing Your Feelings

Especially when you’re feeling down, upset, stressed, or tense. Chances are, it won’t end well. He might offer advice, suggest solutions, or attempt to fix the problem. Instead, take a hot bath, unwind, watch a movie, or confide in a girlfriend. Women have a special gift for comforting and uplifting each other.

3. Seek His Help

Remember, men demonstrate their love by taking action. Learn to ask for support. Share a problem you’re facing and ask him how he would handle it. You may be surprised by how quickly he comes up with a solution. This is where men thrive—they enjoy strategic thinking and problem-solving. It’s effortless for them, and it boosts their self-esteem.

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4. Express Appreciation

Acknowledge the things he does that you admire. Instead of dwelling on his mistakes or shortcomings, highlight his positive actions. This small act can go a long way in nurturing a loving relationship.

5. Give Him an Opportunity to Shine

Men relish being the hero and winning for their partners. Allow him to demonstrate his brilliance and have the final say. Many women feel the need to constantly prove their independence, which can be exhausting. Release control and allow yourself to relax. Recognize how much he desires to impress you, how he revels in your admiration, and embrace your feminine power.

Wishing you the best of luck, and as always, thank you for being here.

Karin


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