It’s completely normal to desire a romantic relationship, to find that special someone whom you love and who loves you back. However, sometimes this desire can become overwhelming and cloud our judgment. We may start wanting a relationship for all the wrong reasons, making the single life feel incredibly sad and painful. In this article, we will explore the potential reasons why you may be feeling this way and provide guidance on how to approach being single when you desperately want a relationship.
Table of Contents
17 Factors Contributing to Your Strong Desire for a Relationship
1. Loneliness:
Being single can often lead to feelings of loneliness. During the day, you might be able to keep it together, but at night, you yearn for someone to cuddle with. This is a completely natural human need. However, it’s important to ensure that you aren’t settling for just anyone out of desperation. Loneliness shouldn’t be the sole reason for starting a relationship, even though it’s understandable.
2. Peer Pressure:
If it seems like everyone around you is in a relationship, it can be disheartening to always be the odd one out. However, this issue can be resolved by actively seeking out and befriending other single individuals without abandoning your coupled-up friends. Expand your social circle, and you’ll soon realize that you’re not the only single person in the world, but rather, you’ve been fixating too much on your relationship status.
3. External Pressure:
Family, friends, and society can put immense pressure on you to find a partner. When are you going to settle down and give us grandchildren? It’s difficult to escape these well-meaning but often intrusive questions. You may even feel like an outcast simply because you’re single, and your friends might even pressure you into getting into a relationship. It’s crucial not to let this external pressure influence your decisions. Peer pressure is strong, but settling for the wrong person is never the answer.
4. Sexual Needs:
Let’s not forget that you have sexual needs. If you’ve been alone for an extended period of time, you might start feeling sexually frustrated. While casual sex isn’t necessarily encouraged, it can be a better option than entering into a serious relationship purely out of sexual frustration. Being single allows you the freedom to explore relationships without assuming that you love every person you’re attracted to.
5. Desire to Start a Family:
Perhaps sex isn’t your primary motive, but rather, you have a strong desire to have children. Many single individuals long to find someone who would be a suitable parent. It’s important to acknowledge that starting a family is a significant decision. While it’s normal to desire a family, it shouldn’t be your sole reason for rushing into a relationship. Give yourself ample time to fall in love before embarking on the journey of building a family.
6. Need for Emotional Support:
Life would undoubtedly be easier if you had a partner who could provide emotional support during challenging times. However, by seeking motivation and validation internally, rather than externally, you become more self-reliant. While having someone to lean on is certainly nice, it should not be the sole reason for entering into a relationship.
7. Rebound Relationship:
After a difficult breakup, you might find yourself grappling with the idea of a rebound relationship as a way to heal your heartache. However, it is often better to allow time to heal on its own. Taking the time to heal and grow individually will set the stage for healthier relationships in the future.
8. Desire for Revenge:
If your ex has moved on and is already in a new relationship, it’s understandable to feel a pang of jealousy or a desire to make them regret their decision. However, pursuing a relationship out of a need to get back at your ex is unhealthy. Instead, focus on your own healing and personal growth.
9. Boredom:
Let’s face it, being single can sometimes be boring. While you have family and friends, there’s still a significant amount of free time that would otherwise be occupied by dating someone. Utilize this time for self-improvement and self-care. Don’t obsess over your relationship status.
10. Financial Factors:
Being in a relationship can have its financial benefits. Some may enjoy receiving gifts or being taken to fancy restaurants, while others might appreciate having someone to split rent and bills with. However, financial reasons alone should not be the foundation of a serious relationship. While the moral debate is separate, a relationship built purely on financial convenience is not a healthy one.
11. Desire for Social Status:
In certain circles, being in a relationship can enhance your social status. The longing for a relationship may stem from a desire to be more popular or improve your overall social standing. Perhaps you believe that a relationship will garner more respect in specific social circles. Remember that your social status can wait, and there’s no rush to find a partner.
12. Fear of Remaining Single:
You may worry that you are difficult to love and convince yourself that you’ll be single forever. However, the odds are in your favor, and you will likely find love in due time. Don’t force yourself into a relationship out of fear of remaining alone. It’s never too late to find love, and you shouldn’t settle for just anyone due to the fear of being alone.
13. Fear of Missing Out:
You might be under the impression that the dating world is filled with excitement and that you’re missing out on perfect matches. Thoughts of missing out on something magical by remaining single can be daunting. Remind yourself of the downsides of dating and relationships when you feel this fear. While you might miss out on certain experiences, you may also be avoiding negative situations.
14. Need for Completeness:
Many people yearn for a relationship because they feel incomplete without a romantic partner. However, it’s vital to recognize that your life can be fulfilling even when you’re single. Expecting another person to complete you is an unhealthy mindset. Instead, learn to give your own life meaning and find happiness within yourself, regardless of your relationship status.
15. Desire for Dependence:
Whether it’s emotional, financial, or sexual needs, you may feel the need for someone to take care of you. It’s normal to have these desires, but it’s crucial to work on being more independent and finding happiness within yourself. Placing too many expectations on a person you haven’t even met is unwise. Focus on taking care of yourself whether or not you eventually find a partner who fulfills all your needs.
16. Desire for Safety and Security:
Many people seek relationships because they provide a sense of safety, stability, and security. However, it’s essential to remember that a relationship does not guarantee a fairytale ending. Relationships can be complex, and problems can arise. It’s unrealistic to expect everything to go smoothly all the time.
17. Desire for Connection and Future Growth:
Ultimately, the right reason for desiring a relationship is the desire to share your time and build a future with someone you deeply connect with. It’s important to have a specific person in mind rather than just being infatuated with the idea of a relationship. Patience is key—wait to fall in love with someone before actively seeking a relationship, and embrace your single status until that time comes.
10 Tips for Dealing with this Unfulfilled Desire
1. Enjoy Your Own Company:
Take pleasure in spending quality time by yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy and treat yourself with the same kindness you would expect from your ideal partner. As the saying goes, you can buy yourself flowers.
2. Focus on Other Aspects of Life:
While your love life may not be going as planned, redirect your energy to other areas of your life. Dive into your career or make new friends. By shifting your focus away from actively seeking a relationship, you may discover new avenues of growth and fulfillment.
3. Practice Self-Care and Happiness:
Indulge in self-care activities that bring you happiness. Treat yourself to a box of chocolates, pamper yourself with a relaxing bath accompanied by scented candles, or enjoy a glass of wine. Find joy in self-care and spoil yourself.
4. Seek New Experiences:
Explore new hobbies, take up classes, learn a new skill, or engage in creative pursuits. Fill your schedule with fulfilling activities that bring you a sense of accomplishment.
5. Set Personal Goals:
Make the most of your free time by setting personal goals. Whether it’s weight loss, playing the piano, or saving for a car, dedicate yourself to achieving these milestones.
6. Don’t Force Relationships:
Forcing yourself to date can lead to burnout and unsatisfying relationships. Avoid rushing the process and trust that love will find its way to you when the time is right.
7. Take a Break from Dating Apps:
To prevent dating burnout, take breaks from dating apps. Sometimes love finds us when we’re least expecting it. Additionally, periodic breaks from dating apps can be refreshing and beneficial for your well-being.
8. Spend Time with Loved Ones:
Invest quality time in family gatherings and social events with friends. Reconnect with old companions and make an effort to forge new connections. Improving your social life can potentially lead you to the desired relationship.
9. Embrace the Benefits of Single Life:
Celebrate the numerous perks of being single. Revel in the freedom to do whatever you please. Party until the early hours, spend the night at a friend’s place, or flirt with attractive individuals to boost your self-esteem. Enjoy these advantages while they last.
10. Seek Support:
If the desire for a relationship becomes overwhelming, it’s beneficial to seek guidance from a therapist. A professional can help you navigate your fears and insecurities, allowing you to develop greater independence and self-assurance.
Remember, it’s perfectly normal to crave a relationship, but it’s equally important to approach it with the right mindset and motivations. Take your time, focus on personal growth, and trust that love will find its way to you when the time is right for both you and the specific person you deeply connect with.
