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Understanding the Struggle of Letting Go
So you find yourself emotionally attached to someone from your past. Maybe you had a short-lived romance, or perhaps you never quite transitioned from dating to a committed relationship. Whatever the case may be, letting go seems to be an insurmountable challenge for you.
In fact, it feels like an uphill battle that has you sitting there, wallowing in self-pity, tossing half-eaten chocolates at the TV screen (thanks, Clueless). But then, by some stroke of fate, you stumble upon this article. You think to yourself, “Well, what have I got to lose?”
The answer is simple: Nothing, really, except for the miserable and anxious state that currently holds you captive. So let’s dive in and explore why you’re finding it so hard to move on, and more importantly, how you can finally let go. But before we proceed, if you’re serious about getting over your ex, I invite you to join me for the Breakup Recovery Course.
##1 – Embrace Reality (Yes, It Can Be Tough)
If you feel like you’re going insane, it’s because, well, you kind of are. You’re living in a fantasy world, detached from reality. You’re seeking a different truth than the one that actually exists – the truth that they don’t want to be with you, at least not in the way you desire and deserve. They don’t call, they’ve mistreated you, and they’ve made their intentions clear. The ship has sailed, my friend.
Deep down, you know what’s true, but you refuse to accept it. Here’s a hard truth: you can’t deny reality. The moment you start denying what’s real, you detach from your own feelings and truth. This slippery slope leads to being trapped in unrequited love indefinitely. And who on earth wants that, right?
##2 – Overcoming the Fear of Losing Your Identity
You chose your partner with the belief that they completed you. So naturally, when they’re no longer in your life, it feels like a part of you is missing. This feeling can be overwhelming, even to the point where it feels like you’re slowly dying inside. In a way, a part of you is dying—the dependent part that led you to make self-deprecating decisions.
Embrace this change. Let that codependent part of yourself die. What do you have to lose, except for the part that forced you to compromise your own well-being? Initially, it may seem terrifying, uncertain, and unfamiliar. You might even have the urge to turn back. But ask yourself, is plunging into the unknown and learning to love yourself worse than remaining in a daily cycle of emotional turmoil?
I believe the answer is crystal clear.
##3 – Escaping the Constraints of Evolutionary Programming
As humans, we’re hardwired to adapt and fit in with those around us, ensuring our survival. In ancient times, failure to conform meant being left to fend for oneself in the wild, which wasn’t exactly ideal. Consequently, we’ve developed this innate tendency to sacrifice our true selves, adopting the thoughts and beliefs of others at any cost. It’s as if we constantly say, “I need your love to feel safe. I need your acceptance to belong. I need your affection to pass on our genes.”
This programming has served our species well, allowing us to thrive. However, it has inadvertently turned us into conformists. We suppress our desires, pretending not to want what we actually desire. We lose ourselves in toxic relationships, forsaking our own well-being for the illusion of love. Ironically, the love we seek is often a far cry from genuine affection.
We’ve even reached a point where we’d rather endure a terrible relationship than face the possibility of abandonment. It’s time to break free from this counterproductive mindset.
It all begins with having the courage to say, “This is who I am. These are my boundaries, my opinions, and my values – and I will not abandon them for anyone.” When you make this declaration, the right people will gravitate towards you, exponentially multiplying the caliber of connections. Your self-respect will become a magnet for those who truly appreciate and value you.
Shift Your Perspective with One Simple Question
Letting go of your ex becomes simpler when you ask yourself one question: “Does choosing them equate to choosing myself? Am I prioritizing my own well-being in this relationship?” Remember, it’s a simple question, not an easy one. But if you’re bold enough to let go of your old self and navigate through the messy emotions of transformation, a greater reward awaits you.
Take the time to examine how you abandon yourself in various aspects of your life – be it in relationships, body image, financial decisions, or even coping mechanisms like alcohol and drugs. Recognize the moments when you surrender your values in exchange for temporary affection. Realize that the only lasting love comes from showing up for yourself, choosing yourself, and staying true to who you are.
The journey starts within you. Until you wholeheartedly choose yourself, others won’t have the chance to choose you. Love yourself, value yourself, and believe that you are worth it.
~ Words by Mark Groves
Learn more about empowering yourself and achieving emotional freedom at 5 WS.
