What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Understand You

Disagreeing with a loved one is a normal part of any relationship. However, it can be incredibly frustrating when you feel like your partner doesn’t understand you. Misunderstandings are a common cause of stress and can take a toll on your relationship. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to improve understanding and strengthen your connection.

First, Reflect on Why Misunderstandings Happen

In the early stages of a relationship, it’s easy to feel understood. There’s a lot of goodwill and little emotional baggage to cloud your interactions. You may not even think about how to fix problems because everything feels effortless.

But as time passes, familiarity sets in and communication problems creep in. According to Dr. Stan Tatkin, an expert in relationships, misperception is common. We misinterpret our partner’s tone or facial expressions, leading to feelings of judgment and hurt. However, we often fail to pause and check if our assumptions are correct. In times of conflict, stress levels rise, and we forget to approach each other with kindness. As a result, true understanding becomes elusive.

3 Tips to Prepare for Meaningful Conversations

To address misunderstandings and restore understanding in your relationship, follow these tips:

1. Take a Moment to Understand Yourself

When you’re upset, it’s natural to vent to a friend or even to yourself. But before discussing your feelings with your partner, take a moment to listen to your own thoughts. Explore the underlying reasons for your frustration. Challenge negative assumptions by reframing your perspective. For instance, instead of saying, “My partner is selfish and uncaring for spending the whole day with friends,” try expressing, “I feel hurt and neglected when my partner spends a lot of time with friends. It makes me question their feelings for me.”

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2. Wait for Calmness Before Engaging in Conversation

If you’re overwhelmed with emotions, it’s best to wait until you feel calm before discussing the issue with your partner. Pay attention to your body’s signals. Allow yourself time to settle down and let your nervous system recover. Taking at least 20 minutes to calm down can ensure a more rational and constructive conversation. Find a suitable time when both of you are well-rested and can give each other undivided attention. Soft eye contact can help create a soothing environment.

3. Start the Conversation on a Positive Note

Research indicates that starting a discussion with a harsh tone often leads to negative outcomes. Relationship expert John Gottman found that a harsh startup was a strong predictor of divorces among the couples he studied. To foster understanding, approach the conversation as friends, focusing on building a connection rather than winning an argument. A gentle and soft beginning can set a positive tone for the entire conversation.

Happier couples prioritize understanding in their relationships. They understand that love requires effort and constant attention. While they may not always fully comprehend each other, they choose to nurture their bond and build on the positive aspects of their connection. They keep trying until they find the right approach.

We’re Here to Support You

If you’re struggling with relationship problems and want to resolve them without exhausting fights, consider attending one of our workshops. We provide practical guidance to help couples overcome their issues and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. To learn more about our workshops, visit 5 WS.

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Remember, improving understanding in your relationship takes time and effort. By employing these strategies, you can create a stronger foundation of empathy and communication with your partner. Don’t give up, because a deeper understanding is possible.

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