So, you’ve had a long day, accomplished all your tasks, taken a refreshingly hot shower, and curled up in clean sheets. You’ve set the perfect ambiance and decided to indulge in some self-pleasure. But after the initial rush of pleasure, you start to feel a recurring numbness that leaves you unsettled.
You want to reach that orgasmic peak, but your body isn’t responding as it usually does, or maybe not at all. Doubt creeps in as you wonder if this is a common experience. The confidence you once had in your body begins to fade, and reaching climax becomes increasingly challenging due to the numbness you feel.
If this resonates with you, there are two main perspectives to consider: the physiological standpoint and the mental standpoint.
From a physiological perspective, the lack of sensation could be attributed to a nerve blockage or a hormone/chemical imbalance. If you believe this might be the case or have underlying medical concerns, it’s highly recommended to have an honest conversation with your primary care physician. They can provide guidance and potential medical solutions if the issue is indeed physical.
However, in most cases, the absence of feeling stems from limitations within our minds. Until recently, human sexuality hadn’t been extensively researched, and one important discovery was the incredible influence our minds have over our physical bodies. Whether it’s a lack of self-love, self-acceptance, or a general misunderstanding of what our bodies truly enjoy, our minds send doubt-filled messages that affect how we interpret touch.
When it comes to experiencing pleasure, we often feel let down when our bodies don’t react the way we expect them to. Movies, both pornographic and romantic, as well as books, portray scenes that construct a particular idea of how those big “O” moments should look and feel.
Yet, when we touch ourselves for pleasure, we can’t help but notice that the heightened sensitivity depicted in those scenes doesn’t match our own experience. This disparity leads us to question why we don’t feel anything when we masturbate or only experience pleasure in response to specific stimuli.
Unconsciously, we develop unrealistic expectations for our bodies based on these depictions. This can be destructive and prevent us from fully appreciating the genuine sensations our bodies are capable of.
To break free from these expectations, we need to shift our focus away from how we think we’re supposed to feel and instead pay attention to how we actually feel. It’s essential to appreciate our bodies for the unique sensations they offer. Our bodies, just like everyone else’s, possess a profound ability to communicate with us—if we take the time to learn their language.
However, learning this language can be challenging, especially when external sources have taught us what we should feel and like. To truly grasp this language, we must be willing to spend time alone with our bodies without judgment—both physically and mentally.
Remember, masturbation is a personal journey that differs for everyone. There’s no universal blueprint for orgasm, despite societal opinions on the matter. It’s not as simple as fitting Tab A into Slot B and repeating as necessary! Your path to orgasm is as unique as your fingerprint and should be treated with the same individuality.
So, when you find yourself masturbating but not experiencing pleasure, and frustration starts to creep in, take a moment to center yourself. Allow your thoughts to settle, let your hands explore, and begin again. Instead of solely focusing on the pleasure between your legs, pay attention to the pleasure that your entire body can feel. Orgasms are not only about one specific spot but a culmination of sensations from various erogenous zones.
Another reason you may struggle to feel pleasure while masturbating is that you place too much emphasis on the end goal and not enough on the journey itself. For various reasons, such as lack of self-acceptance or internalized shame, we often rush through the experience, even when we’re alone and able to freely explore our sexual desires.
However, the truth is that most orgasms are not instantaneous, whether with a partner or during solo play. By adopting a “get it over with” mindset, you unconsciously pressure yourself to perform or achieve something that may not be attainable, and it hinders your ability to fully appreciate stimulation.
Instead of fixating solely on reaching the end, try shifting your focus to the smaller touches that make a sexual encounter great. Consider the way you love to be kissed or held, the way your nipples respond to touch, or the sensation of your thighs being massaged.
For instance, if you enjoy being kissed on the neck, there’s no need to imagine someone else doing it for you or worrying about sending the right signals. Masturbation is about being there for yourself. Take control, explore different pressures and sensations with your fingers. Each session is an opportunity for you to practice self-admiration. If you feel a tingle in your breasts, let your fingertips follow that sensation. If you long to stroke your thighs or hips, surrender to that desire. Let your body revel in the pleasure of self-induced foreplay.
Another way to enhance your masturbation experience is to engage your other senses. Light candles or burn incense to create a relaxing atmosphere that appeals to your sense of smell. Use a perfume that makes you feel sexy. Savor something sweet like pineapple or fruit-flavored candy for taste. Set the mood with visual cues that personally arouse you, whether it’s using a mirror or other visual stimuli. Play soft, slow music to create an auditory backdrop.
Remember, your body is unique and deserving of exploration and appreciation. Even if it frustrates you at times, it remains worthy. Embrace the journey, listen to your body, and allow yourself to experience pleasure in ways that feel right for you.